In Bed with Billy: What Can Anal Sex Do for You?

By Billy Curtis, Sex Columnist

For scores, centuries and even millennia, women have been letting themselves be engaged in an act that is not only unnatural to their body, but painful when improperly experienced. I’ve always wondered why girls let their boyfriends, or just guys in general, do this to them.

I know, you may be thinking, This kid is gay. He has to love anal sex, doesn’t he? Yes, I do enjoy anal sex and yes, I am obviously a gay man; therefore, I have the necessary functional tools, as well as the desire, to enjoy such things like anal intercourse. Girls do not have a prostate gland and thus, I don’t think getting anything shoved up their bum would give them any sort of pleasure.

This begs the question, what can brown really do for them?

I can imagine that some girls are more afraid of anal sex than they are of bugs and spiders.

While smoking a cigarette outside with some co-workers the other day, one decided to blurt out that her boyfriend had been trying to get her to try anal sex, which further led to the question of why men are so fascinated with having anal sex.

In my opinion, it’s either because they are secretly gay or they just want to sleep with you without using a condom and the consequence of getting you pregnant.

This has undoubtedly not been the first time that one of my friends has inquired about this sexual act to me.

Girls often find it easier to speak to gay men not only about sexual topics, but also about anything bothering them in their relationships – sometimes being the salvation to my career.

Anal sex has always brought up a world of questions to the heterosexual couple.

Will it hurt? Will I feel satisfaction from it? Guys clearly get the normal excitement of sticking their penis in a hole, but I had to wonder, girls don’t have any sexual stimuli in the rectum, so what is their reasoning for doing it when they obviously receive no gratification from the act?

In a survey done by Redbook, 43 percent of woman questioned said they had tried anal sex with a partner at least once in their lives; only 40 percent of the original 43 actually enjoyed it.

This also brought me to the question that, despite most heterosexual standings against sodomy and homosexual relations, how can they be so against the idea of two men having anal sex when they are so eagerly willing to try it themselves?

After all, it technically is the same thing and in the end, it’s not like anyone is forcing you to watch it, or do it yourself.

Brief anatomy lesson: the female anatomy is composed to enjoy such excitement in the vagina through the stimulus of the clitoris, that’s why they get pleasure from sex, but there is nothing in their rectum that is going to bring them pleasure.

Now, for the male counterpart, the prostate gland in the rectum is a directly comparative structure to the female clitoris because if stimulated the correct way, it can give your partner quite the orgasm – as scene in the 2000 film Road Trip when Sean William Scott’s character accidentally discovers the pleasure of having his prostate stimulated by a female nurse.

The next time your boyfriend or partner begs you to let him try anal sex (because you know he probably will), turn it around on him and ask him why he doesn’t let you try some anal pleasuring on him, because he would clearly enjoy it more than you would.

It all comes down to the simple concept of whether you get excitement from the act of anal sex. I know some women enjoy such sexual expressions, but clearly, it’s not for everyone.

I mean, I love anal sex just as much as the next homosexual, but I can still admit as a medical professional that it is unnatural for anyone: the sphincter is meant to push things out of the body, not shove them in.

But if God wanted this act to be unnatural for gay men, then why would he create the prostate gland that can compare to the female clitoris in its stimulated functions?

Maybe it’s a sign that he knew gay people were going to exist in this world? I guess I’ll save that topic for philosophy classes.

The next time anyone brings up anal sex to you, or asks you if you are willing to try it, weigh the pros and cons: You may enjoy it, or it may be one of the most painful experiences you’ve ever had.

Either way, in my opinion, anal sex should stick to the homosexual community because, seriously, we gays clearly enjoy it more than you heterosexuals ever will.